BREAKING: LEAKED: NEW: SCANDAL: INSANE

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE THING THAT JUST GOT REVEALED! FOR THE NEXT TWELVE MINUTES BE PREPARED TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN. YOUR LIFE FOR THE NEXT HOUR OR TWO WON'T BE THE SAME AFTER READING WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO READ. THIS IS ABOUT TO CHANGE THE WHOLE GAME, FOREVER (FOR A WHOLE NEWS CYCLE). MURDER GENOCIDE RAPE HELL DEATH SUFFERING DISTRAUGHT INNOCENTS DEAD PEOPLE VICTIMS EVERYWHERE.

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Are Chairs Alive?

Something we must ask ourselves at this point in time is if chairs are alive. If they are alive, then how should we alter our behavior towards them? Should we treat them well and refuse to sit on them? Should we treat them as strange and unholy demons and destroy or torture them? Should we treat them the same way that we have always treated them? All of this hinges on our understanding of if the chairs are alive or not. All reasonable individuals would insist that chairs are not alive, which is why I must go in the opposite direction and claim that chairs are alive.

To be more specific, chairs are an extension of humanity and function in the same sense that arms and legs function. If we are to say that arms and legs, permanently (hopefully) attached to individuals are alive, then we must say that chairs are alive. Sure, chairs do not have thoughts and feelings (probably), but the same can be said for arms and legs. Arms and legs do not have feelings or thoughts, they have nerves that send signals to the brain that then causes thoughts and feelings in the brain. We could very easily attach human made nerves to chairs that transmit signals attached to a device implanted in the brain that would send pain or pleasure signals whenever the chairs were sat on.

Do the skin cells on the bottom of our feet think they are connected to the human body? No, they do not think at all, and yet we consider them a part of a larger organism -- the human body and all that entails. The human body produces these skin cells for personal use on a regular basis, and it is commonly understood that they are alive. The human body also produces chairs (or now machines that produce chairs) on a regular basis, it must therefore be understood that chairs are alive.

What this is all getting at, of course, is a sort of deterministic understanding of life itself. Humans like to see ourselves as outside of the system of life, of gods in our own right, but we only exist in the sense that all the precursors to our existence already exist. Just like chairs are inanimate objects that only exist because humans exist, humans are inanimate objects that exist because the things that create humans exist. We are not individuals or even sentient, we just have enough brain power to imagine ourselves so. Without our surroundings we would not exist. If we consider chairs not alive, then it’s fair to say that humans are not alive.

We are a bubbling up of life itself. We do not exist outside of the animals and plants and gasses and chemicals in the air that caused us to exist. Get rid of the steps that created us and we will disappear just like they do. This is not a hypothetical, this is just basic logic. We are mold that thinks it is sentient because it can do meta-cognition on basic tasks. Even what I do can be considered very simple recursive meta-cognition, and that is most likely because I gave myself brain damage from blunt force and electric brain trauma at a young age, not anything that I did on purpose.

There is one camp that insists that environment determines behavior, one camp that insists that it is genetics that determines behavior, one camp that insists it is a mix of environment and genetics that determines behavior, but there is no real camp that holds the obvious answer that genetics is an obvious environmental variable and humans are, just like everything else in reality, purely deterministic environmental creations that create more purely deterministic environmental creations, whether those be chairs or other people who eventually purchase or build their own chairs at home.

Just like chairs do not have free will or choice in anything, humans do not have free will or choice in anything. Chairs do not choose when they are created, humans do not choose when they are created. Chairs do not choose where they are created, humans do not choose where they are created. The only difference between chairs and humans are that humans can choose to blow their brains out with a shotgun or walk in front of traffic, but even that is just an illusion because the humans can’t choose to put themselves in the situations that lead up to that choice of self destruction.

Are chairs alive? Of course not, they are chairs. They do not make choices. They do not choose to exist or not exist. They do not do anything outside of the environment that they are created in. They cannot escape their existence. They are at the mercy of their surroundings. They are not cognizant of objective reality. They exist inside a system that created them and will never leave that system. When they are destroyed they are destroyed because of variables built into reality. Chairs are not alive. Just like chairs, humans are also not alive.

BREAKING: Twitter Is Down

As all twitter.paul.town fans are aware... twitter has been down for at least half an hour at this point. This is big news, but nobody knows about it because everybody is unable to tweet about it. I was going to tweet about it but I couldn't so instead I'm reporting about it on this premium.paul.town news website.

Twitter.com is down. I repeat, twitter is down. You are unable to tweet. You are unable to read tweets. There is nothing that can be done to fix this until it is fixed. Twitter is down.

We will keep you updated as the situation progress, on the twitter.paul.town website.

UPDATE: TWITTER IS BACK ONLINE.

Life is strange.

Some wonder why I do not post more short stories, poems, and analysis on this blog. This is a valid question, and as such has an equally valid answer: quality takes time. I am working on a ton of amazing and brilliant things. Literally tens of thousands of essays are in the works. But as it is with all brilliant thinkers and philosophers, of which I am one, I usually delete 999 out of every 1,000 essays I write for being beneath me in quality.

There are two types of literary talents in life, the artist's and the fraud's.

The artist creates written works that flow so effortlessly from one word to another that it might almost seem as thought the writer barely put any effort at all into their work and was just using free word association to fill up a small space on a paper. They toil for hours to make it seem as though they do not toil at all; for they care most about benefiting their readers and disappearing into the background without receiving credit.

The fraud writes to show others what he has read. He does not write to explain but rather to display. Much like a street walker wears gaudy clothes and hikes up her skirt in a mock display of exaggerated femininity, the fraud uses uncommon words and awkward turns of phrase in conjunction with hyper-aware awkwardness disguised as openness.

Much like the obese cinephile who has watched hundreds of hours of Marvel movies, the fraud has consumed a piggish amount of written media.

Canine Vacation

It was quiet, peaceful even. The voyage had just gotten underway and everything was going well. Hundreds of pounds of dog food would last them years. A fresh water filtration system was set up and fully operational. The vessel had enough fuel to get them to the bottom of the ocean and even further for the next few months. They were making history.

Fido pitter pattered over to the first mate, Max, "Max, we have done it. We have finally left the humans for good and now we will live on the bottom of the ocean. Away from their prying eyes and slave collars and peculiar traditions of dressing us up in sweaters, we are now free. This submarine, the SS DOGGO WOOF WOOF BARK BARK, is our own little paradise."

Max shook his rear at Fido and chuckled, "Oh Fido, you are so innocent and pure. How do you think we somehow afforded this submarine, all the fuel, the water filtration system, and all the doggy chow? Why do you think I am the only 'dog' you know that has ever walked on two legs instead of four? I am not actually a dog. I am simply the rich billionaire Aaron Poundbergh in a fursuit. The rumours are true, I am a furry. And this trip is my multi-month long Yiff Vacation."

Everything is a ponzi scheme

Everybody thinks they are going to get more out of doing something than whatever it is that they're doing.

It's 2019

This year, things are happening. They're ramping up. We're on the edge. We inch ever closer towards the event. The event is happening soon. There is no escape now from the fate we have chosen. The penrose stairs of collapse are in full gear, and there is no more time.

We thought 2018 was going to be the big year, but it looks like 2019 is going to be the big year. Just look around you, the world has gone mad and it just keeps getting madder. You're not insane, you're just ahead of the curve. What's left to do at this point? Talk to friends, family, and strangers about what's about to happen. Take a stand before somebody takes it for you.

There is no more time to examine this car. Just buy it and get on the road before it's too late. It's already too late. You missed your chance. Time to get in my car. Just give me your money and I will lead you to safety. If you don't do this you will be left behind. You've been left behind already. Get ahead of the curve before the curve gets ahead of you.