Allow me to tell a tale that is not for the faint of heart. Allow me to regale you and those much like you with the details of an event so chilling that it will remain fresh in my mind for quite a long time. Allow me if you would, to take up a moment of your time in this grand tapestry that we call life, to elucidate the nature of that which has befallen me, your narrator, this very morning.
I was laying on my king size bed. I was covered under blankets. I was sleeping. Then, I awoke in the early morning. Something about my surroundings seemed disturbed - malicious even. In the air, a slight hint of dread punctuated with a subtle taunting. I sprung up in alert attention. I surveyed the scene about me and was surprised to find no cause for alarm. And yet, there I was, sensing that some great injustice was, or rather had, taken place. It was as if the cosmic balance of the universe had fallen prey to tampering.
Unable to sleep, I quickly fell into action and began my morning routine, preparing a brew of equal parts l-tyrosine and ginseng with a quarter part guarana. The feeling of creeping horror would not leave the pit of my chest, and so I opened up the twitter application on my cell phone. All of the sudden, time came to a standstill and I was presented with the source of my internal distress. I had been suspended! The psychic bond between me and my thousands of adoring disciples had been cut.
Now I am left, here, in exile, on premium.paul.town, in eternal supplication to the Lord above. I would be lying if I did not admit that this disastrous turn of events has tested my faith in the existence of a benevolent and just God. Here I remain, until further notice, adrift at sea alone, thinking of nothing but my lost flock of sheep that have been taken away from me. All I care about is their safety, and I am undone by my current inability to provide them the profound nourishment that they have come to rely upon me for.
Alas, this is truly a tale of tragedy.